May 19th, Saturday, windy.
I woke up at 1130am this morning and got a great shock staring at my hp. I remember i put it on snoozing mode which is suppose to wake me up 9 mins later after i stop the alarm at 9am. I had to go for work OT at 1pm, knowing that its me, i will take around an hour in the toilet every morning, so i knew i gona be late.
OT is just so tiring and boring, everyone is in the office by the time i reached at 115pm. I start on my work lazily, again, i am slower than the others. Time past especially fast for this afternoon, despite i am not really in high moods. I've asked an old friend for a dinner this evening, and ended up, because of my work, i reached at 815pm.
He's still the same as ever, we haven had any catch up like this for around half a year. He's the type of guy, who knows what he wants, knows what he is doing and will work towards them. A decisive guy with confidence and direction, i would say, although i am quite surprised he still have not thought of finding a relationship.
He said he's stuck in the middle of the cross junction in life, not knowing which direction he should head to now. I am kinda shocked to hear that from him, a person like him will have times of troubles like this, but apparently his has nothing to do with love matters. He told me, he's sicked of being a technical employee and his dream will be moving into the management.
His goals now is to learn as much as possible, without going back to the school, he is doing job hopping and self learning. From technical stuff like flash, html, java into 3D animation, motion design, games development, he's real good at this. I can feel the flame in him, the flame that differ men from women.
I once had this type of flame, the drive to keeps u going, working towards your goal. But somehow, a relationship problem knocks me off my path, my ex did. You might laugh at me, but i think once u have been in love once, and u taste the sweetness out of it, at some time u lost it. You will tend to look forward for the next love to come, and this type feeling is what that affects your growth.
I starting to see the big picture now, as i cant, and not possible to fulfill the part of me who is looking for a soul mate now. I have to do something to keep me going. Give myself a goal, so that i wont get lost in the search, the pursuit of happiness. I think studies to me is the most important now, i need to get back on track with my skills set, earn a better living. But at the same time, socialize more often, i will never get back to my old self, a cave man, gamer without life at home, not appreciating what my love ones had sacrificed for me in those days.
Yea, from now on, i am working for my better future, she's my goal, as well as my carving out the path in my career. Let first start with the simple ones, start studying my flash and open myself in conversations. My friend told me that, he's not afraid to teach me all the things he know of, and i really appreciate what he said, a true friend indeed. He's asking me to work hard too, a rival and at the same time as a friend is the best thing a man will ever need for motivation besides his love. We are looking ahead in 5 years time, we might work together, as a team, set up a company with our own insights.
I'm working on it! I quit being a whiner and a dreamer, lets get real and work on it NOW. And yes, she is still one of my goals. Never say die!