Today has been a great friday if things didnt went this way. Its been such a long time since i last felt this way, this feeling, so familiar, its like a poison slowly killing you, drag you deep into the gates of hell. Its been such a long time, i ever felt this near to lose my temper.
Its only a few months back, that i posted that, i will never be stressed over my work, because i dont think of them after office hours. But lately, i got real stressed up, frustration is building inside me, temper is getting short. Things are not going the way that i would like it to be, frustrated over tedious work, trouble with emotional things, angry with my concentration.
Alot of things happened today, the real war starts, the first time i really felt that i am no longer an observer of the war, but i am in the war itself. Things got real near me today, got pointed and marked out in a meeting, what a dumb arse, beating around the bush to shoot the arrow on me. You know, nice guys are destroyed because of such environment they were placed in. I never want to make anyone feels bad, and sad in work, so times when some others do make mistake, i swear to myself i will never use the email to cc people, bcc people and mail the guy that he has some mistake needs to be done. It makes him look so bad, why make life difficult for people, they are your fellow colleague also. If everyone just learn to step back and relax, this world will be a much better place.
I just realised today, it dont work that way. Some people in this world, just enjoys making other's life miserable, so that he will lead a better one, these people will think that, this is call protecting himself. I call this fcuking selfish.
But thanks to the guy _|_ him to make my life miserable, and now that i understand this truth. The flame in me is burning again, i can feel the dim light, flickering in the darkness of emptiness.
Its time to get started, going all out for my future, learn more experience more, and get the hell of out this state. I've been too soft lately, almost felt i am turning gay. Looking back the 6months i been through, what a waste of time trying to get to nowhere, i didnt learn anything, didnt accomplish much things, didnt get the opportunity for much things, got marked on, got deserted. Time spend for what purpose man, For her? what for. Noone appreciate what i've done. Lets do this for myself this time. yea go go go, bochup attitude is the way to go!
Goals i set:
Within 2 weeks
get my home site up, html version.
forget about unnecessary emotions
Within 2 months
learn up flash to intermediate standard
be good with my work
Within 3 months
get my flash site up
do my flash movie and game
slim down another 3
Within 6 months
slim down to desire weight
get a place for studies
be pro in flash and html, javascript
get my driving license
Man without a goal, is a like a torch without its flame.
