Recollections on May 10th.
Today is Dad's birthday, there's a lot of work which i cant finish, and the rest of my colleagues are pretty busy with their work too. I dont want to disappoint dad, therefore i decided to stay on the weekend night instead to finish my work. My senior gave me the ok sign to go, but i still feel pretty bad, everyone's busy, and i am leaving this early, especially when i'm still not really in good terms with my colleagues yet. Most probably is because of my quiet nature as well as recent commotions deep inside me that causes the poor performance in work, whatever the reason is, i think i dont leave any good impression to them.
I reached home as early as 715pm in the evening, my sis was kinda shocked, i think its like the earliest i've been in the past 2 months. Not really because of work, but i just dont want to be home this early for some reason. I'll hang out at the gym, go out with friends, chatting till 9-10pm daily, just to keep myself busy. Part of the reason is because i want to get out of the shadow for being an Otaku, a term used to describe people without a life whom just like to stay at home watching tv, playing games.
My dad brought home pizza and drumsticks for dinner, "he's just a wonderful dad", quoted from my mum, as my dad is pouring some sparking grape juice to my sis and i. Yea, i do feel so, my dad definitely has a great influenced on me, although i didnt have his great sportsman capability nor his great sense of humor, i did have something from him, thats his attitude towards life, and his peace loving character.
He always have something to teach me, always being the good guy to cheer us up like what my mum said, and she being the devil to punish us when we were wrong.
It's his way of teaching, he believes in not sitting in like a nanny to teach his children, "let them face their own difficulties, failure is not the end, but just a beginning to succeed in life" thats his way of doing things. He's born in a rich family, my grandparents are English educated, my grandpa plays the stock and runs a big business, my dad has 13 siblings, and he being the 2nd youngest guy.
He only studied till JC, hwa chong if i'm not wrong, which was consider very highly educated in the 70s. Its not that his result is bad, but he isnt allowed to go into uni because my grand parents didnt want to spend the money on him. He then work in the line of Off-shore marine services to earn a living by his own.
My dad is always the pillar of support for the whole family, we kinda idolize him. He's humorous, very good in sports, he said he is good with all ball games, except soccer and my mum said that was one of the reason why she fell for him haha. I guessed he must have been very popular among the girls when he was my age, as i remember my mum once told me before, his first love is a Mediacorp actor, cant remember the name, but the woman who dresses like some hot, beer "girl" in one of the local drama last time.
Back to the dinner, we had a wonderful evening that night, it's been sometime since we last sat down on the dining table and had a dinner and a good chat together. My mum and sis kinda quickly went off after the dinner, as my dad is starting to give his "lesson" to me again, haha. As you can expect from a middle age man, he starts to get naggy when you let him start a topic, it sorta goes on and on for hours. But tonight, i am not leaving the table, i told myself, nothing much for me to do also. I've sorta quit gaming for 4-5 months, i stopped hoping for the special someone to be online these days.
My dad went on telling me about lotsa stories, we started off with me not able to speak dialect, and we can even talk about driving lessons. I remember some phrases that he told me, sorta inspired me suddenly.
"Never do things with a fear of failing it, for that fear is like a burden, the heavier the load of burden, the easier you will fail and the greater you will fall."
I've thought about it, its because of this nature of me that causes me to fail in alot of things, in my studies back then, because i was the best and i'm afraid of failures; in my feelings with someone special, i felt that the feelings to me is so strong and special that i am afraid to lose it, i am afraid to say anything wrong to the special person that i became very careful with all my words, becoming very unlike-me. It is this fear that screwed up everything in the way eventually, the way i dont wish them to happen, it all did.
Sometimes things are beyond our control, the only thing you can do might be only to wait, but that doesnt mean it is the end of everything. Never lose hope in anything, giving up are for the losers, we do not give up because we think there is no hope with something. Man can survived through the darkest time with just this little hope as it will burn like a flame in you. The only thing we give up in life, is giving up time to make your life more fulfilling and your loved ones happy.